Do you ever just feel angry all the time? That's how I feel. Just pissed. I'm not sure even why I'm pissed, I just am.

I do appreciate the advice that some of you left. Unfortunately, it's not going to work. Here's the deal. I love the husband. He's my best friend. I would be lost without him (well, sometimes).

I don't have feelings of lust for the husband. Sexually speaking, there's nothing there. I've been trying to avoid that truth, but there it is. That's how things are and they aren't going to change. I'm not even sure when it happened or why. Could be just the activities of the last few years (those of you who read my former journal know that I'm referring to all the exbitch shit) finally killed something in me. So now I don't know what to do. I have to have sex with the man, I'm married to him.

And then there's the part of me that misses hot sweaty lusty sex....or having someone that makes me feel that certain way..you know what I'm talking about, the kind of sex that can make you cry. What happens if I never feel that again? I'm so scared I will never feel connected with anyone that way ever again.

Lately I've been so busy with school, which is kicking my ass by the way, that I'm able to avoid thinking about it. Hubby was gone all last week and I think that's when it really started to hit. I didn't sleep a lot. And then I wrote my last entry when I thought that maybe if I went after him things would be better. But the problem is I don't want it with him.

I'm a horrible person. I really am. I feel like the lowest of the low. In fact, I don't think I'm pissed..I think I'm just really, really sad.